I was fast asleep until I was awakened by a text message. Now I am wide awake and can’t sleep. Sigh.
I have a big day tomorrow, an interview! So I need my rest. Fortunately, it is a phone interview so with the help of Starbucks I should have some energy.
While I have been laying here, I have had a chance to listen to my thoughts in the stillness. I have been thinking about God’s goodness and how He has kept me.
I can remember as a single mother with a two-year old son, discovering I was expecting a second child. Anxiety clouded my mind and crippled my ability to even stand. I laid in the living room floor crying and praying. I begged God for mercy. How could I give birth to another child when the father was not even assisting with the first child? I sobbed until the carpet dampened from my tears.
Then in a still small voice I heard, “I will never leave you nor for sake you.” Instantly my tears dried up and I felt a serene peace overtake me.
Shortly thereafter I attended church. At that time I did not regularly attend but tried to make it as much as possible to seek God. You see, not only was the father irresponsible, he was abusing drugs and alcohol as well as me. So church became my way of escape, a safe place.
Anyway, this particular Sunday the babies were being dedicated. Baby dedication is a process where parents dedicate their child to the Lord as Hannah did in the Bible. As Pastor Johnson began he said, “ Children are not a mistake, they are a heritage from the Lord.” Although I had heard God’s voice, until that moment I still had some uncertainty. I received those words as my confirmation and knew I could raise my children.
From that day forward, I remembered God’s promise. Through not one but two foreclosures, through lay offs, through terminations, through suspensions and expulsions, through the death of my father – He never once left me!
You might think – how can you claim He didn’t leave you if you loss two houses, jobs, your father etc.? Yes, I loss those things in theory but never once did I go to a shelter. In fact, at one point I lived in a $300,000 home with every amenity you can dream of. My current home is a lovely town home and between this year and last I have been unemployed 7 out of 21 months. But I am still here. Not once did I miss a meal – I actually gained weight! Not once did either of my children want for anything without the support from their biological father. Yes, He was right there!
I don’t know why. I’m not perfect, I do and say things I know I shouldn’t do and say. I make commitments that I don’t keep. I start things and don’t finish. I procrastinate. I am always late. I am critical and picky. I struggle with shopping and I can be materialistic. Yet, in spite of all that He loves me!
20 years later, as my youngest child’s birthday approaches (pictured), He is still right here with me! God is faithful!